WWE Studios, the filmmaking subsidiary of World Wrestling Entertainment, has started 2015 with a “landmark” announcement about its brand new strategy to produce movies that aren’t unwatchably insipid cinematic stinkbombs.
The strategy is a stark departure from the company’s approach to date, which has involved finding the cheapest scripts that no other Hollywood studio will touch, casting professional wrestlers in the lead roles regardless of acting talent, and shooting the movies in haste for quick release on the straight-to-DVD market.
This previous strategy has resulted in a string of hamfisted abominations including See No Evil, 12 Rounds, The Chaperone, Knucklehead, Bending the Rules, and The One Where Randy Orton Threatens to Go To The Papers If He Has To.
According to a company spokesman, WWE Studios will now seek quality scripts, respected directors and capable actors. “So no more wrestlers,” said the spokesman. “And no more scripts about ex-cops or ex-cons with hearts of gold who save the day.”
Under the new direction, plans for The Chaperone 2 have mercifully been scrapped.