World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that, in the midst of a so-called “ringpostitis epidemic” in sports entertainment, the company is banning maneuvers in which groins forcibly collide with ringposts.
The ban comes after popular unicorn Big E was sidelined with a devastating case of ringpostitis (or “ball concussion,” in lay terms), which has threatened his career and may have rendered him incapable of someday having a Little E.
Crotch-to-ringpost maneuvers are the latest in a series of dangerous moves to be banned by the company for the safety of competitors.
The piledriver was outlawed to prevent spinal injuries, unprotected chairshots to the head are banned to prevent concussions, and The Worm is prohibited to avoid fatalities.
It is unknown whether Big E has the testicular fortitude to recover from his valiant battle with ringpostitis, but his surgeon, Dr. Gallows, says there is a good chance Big E will “nut it out” to a full recovery.