World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today the “unprecedented” signing of an eight-year-old child prodigy who is sports-entertaining at levels typically seen among superstars thrice his age.
In most ways, Timmy McCrae seems like a typical third-grader — he likes video games, fishing, and toy trucks — but when he’s inside the squared circle, he competes with the technical prowess and high-flying skills of a Ring of Honor veteran.
“It just comes so naturally to him, like a God-given gift,” his mother, Delores McCrae, told reporters this morning at a press conference outside WWE’s Connecticut headquarters.
“By the time he was two years old, he was already performing corkscrew planchas off the sofa and delivering Flair-like promos.”
The pint-sized wrestling genius is expected to make his WWE debut at the company’s upcoming extravaganza, WrestleMania, in a championship bout against Brock Lesnar (replacing Roman Reigns, who has been suspended in accordance with the Wellness Policy).
Though the news of McCrae’s signing has caused excitement among wrestling fans, a number of child welfare organizations have denounced the hiring, insisting that McCrae should stay in school and stay out of the violent carnival of professional wrestling.
McCrae himself, however, dismisses such concerns: “I’m a weally good wessler,” the boy said in his adorable pre-adolescent alto.
“And I just gwaduated third gwade, so I’ve alweady got more education than most of the WWE woster.”