Irate fans of World Wrestling Entertainment have besieged cable companies demanding refunds after it was revealed last night that professional wrestling is a scripted spectacle of simulated violence.
“This is an outrage,” one fan wrote in a message to his local cable company.
“I purchased WWE Battleground on pay-per-view based on the assumption that it would be a legitimate sporting competition to determine supremacy between elite athletes. Now I learn that wrestling is phoney-baloney?! ”
Fans worldwide were disenchanted and enraged when news leaked last night that wrestling match outcomes are predetermined, and in-ring animosities greatly exaggerated, in order to enhance the dramatic effect.
For decades, professional wrestling has successfully hidden behind the illusion of legitimacy, despite actually being a microcosm of society in which humankind’s collective biases and conflicts are enacted in a pantomimed morality play.
WWE has announced that it will add a “no refunds” disclaimer to all future pay-per-views, to avoid losing revenue to the chronically dumb.