On the off-chance that his first date with an attractive classmate goes well, avid WWE fan Troy Cooper hastily hid all his wrestling action figures in a cardboard box in his closet today.

Cooper has a near-complete set of LJN action figures — the heavy rubber dolls that were released during the World Wrestling Federation’s 1980s heyday — of which he is fiercely proud.

But since Cooper is also desperately lonely and in need of physical contact with a human female, he haphazardly tossed the entire collection (which only needs Outback Jack and B. Brian Blair in order to be complete) into a box misleadingly labeled “philosophy books.”

Cooper is taking classmate Tessa McKeon to a fancy restaurant for dinner and then to see some insipid romantic comedy at the local megaplex, in hopes of putting her in the mood for lovemaking.

That mood, he correctly assumes, would instantly vanish if McKeon were to catch a glimpse of the wrestling figures, alphabetized by last name, on his bookshelf.

Sadly, Cooper forgot he is wearing his favorite pair of Hulkamania underpants.