You’re not going to believe this!

Controversial former professional wrestler CM Punk, who is confirmed to make his UFC debut sometime before the next passage of Halley’s comet, apparently had some pointed words today for former boss Vince McMahon.

“Vince is a kind and sensitive man from whom I have learned much,” said Punk. “His humility and selflessness have taught me to always consider the feelings of others before pursuing my own self-interest.”

Added Punk: “I consider Vince to be more than a father figure — he is my mentor, my ally, and my best friend. I am honored to know him, and I aspire to emulate his stellar example as a human being.”

Can you believe it?

Of course not. Disbelief is a wholly appropriate reaction, since the mere notion that Punk would say such effusive things about McMahon is preposterous.

You were right to not believe it.

Give yourself a Horowitzian pat on the back, smartypants.