Just days after his release from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), professional wrestler Wade Barrett has found gainful employment as the messenger who will inform the world of America’s next president.
The British brawler announced today that he will resurrect his “Bad News Barrett” persona to reveal which incarnation of the Antichrist — Hillary Rodham Clinton or Donald Kardashian Trump — will lead the United States into an apocalyptic hellfire.
“I’m afraid I’ve got some baaaaad newwwws,” Barrett said during a news conference at the Washington Press Club this morning. “You’re screwed either way.”
Barrett vigorously banged a gavel and demanded decorum when the assembled media asked him which frontrunner he expected to win. “Does it matter?” he said before erupting into maniacal laughter.
Barrett said that once he announces the new President — signalled by a sulphuric plume of smoke from the White House chimney — most Americans “might want to move to Canada.”
He added: “But stay out of the UK.”