World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced this morning that a new tournament, The Mark Henry Classic, will be held throughout the month of October, with the winner earning an exclusive opportunity to be the lover of Mae Young Classic winner Kari Sane. 

While the tournament will involve a round-robin series of wrestling bouts, contestants will also be judged on their velvety magnetism and seductive prowess — the hallmark of the tournament’s namesake, “Sexual Chocolate” Mark Henry. 

Longtime fans of pro wrestling will recall the beautiful, heartwarming, not-creepy-or-crass-at-all relationship between Henry and Mae Young, which culminated in the birth of a beautiful baby hand. 

WWE has released a partial list of participants in the upcoming tournament, including:

• Grandmaster Sexay
• Big Sexy Kevin Nash
• The Godfather
• The Booty Man
• The Dicks
• Meat
• Naked Mideon
• Beaver Cleavage
• Mr. Ass

The winner of the Mark Henry Classic will marry Kari Sane during an in-ring wedding ceremony, which, thanks to historical precedent, one can assume will go perfectly smoothly.