Amid a nightmarish 24-hour news cycle depicting police shootings, terrorist attacks and infantile political debates, the United States of America announced today the advent of its so-called Attitude Era.
The first presidential debate between WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump and TNA fan Hillary Clinton launched the Attitude Era with a flurry of insults, untruths and bombast.
“This ain’t your granddaddy’s United States,” declared Barack Obama, crotch-chopping the camera in an Oval Office filled with buxom, scantily clad dancers. “And if you ain’t down with that, I got two words for you: trade embargo!”
America is eschewing the cartoonish, larger-than-life persona of its past with a more “reality-based” existence in which sex and violence are glorified, and logic goes completely out the window.
The launch of America’s Attitude Era foreshadows the inevitable election of Trump, who has vowed to build a wall along the Southern border, deport anyone whose surname is hard for him to pronounce, and appoint Bobby Lashley as his Vice President.
America has re-branded with a new slogan, “Get the F Out” (in which the F stands for Freedom).