Legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker is reportedly feeling anxious about his long-awaited return to the ring at WrestleMania this month, worried that his new ring attire is “unflattering around the bum.”
“Sweetie, do these spandex pants make me look fat?” the so-called Phenom reportedly asked his wife, Michelle McCool, while trying on his new gear. “I feel like such a chunky monkey lately!”
McCool, who has grown accustomed to the Deadman’s ongoing body-image insecurities, replied with her standard answer: “I love you just the way you are, honeybear.”
The Undertaker, whose fearsome demeanor and 21-match winning streak at WrestleMania have lent him a reputation of badassery, is known to his friends as a delicate soul whose confidence is easily damaged.
“The reason The Undertaker always wears black is because it’s slimming,” one family friend told Kayfabe News on condition of anonymity.
“And he makes duckface while taking selfies to make his cheeks look skinny.”
The Phenom has not yet appeared on WWE programming to promote his upcoming WrestleMania match against Bray Wyatt, reportedly because he feels “like a piglet.”
The Undertaker was recently spotted a pair of Spanx body-shaping undergarments at a Death Valley pharmacy.