Just before he was scheduled to defend his legendary winning “streak” at WrestleMania, The Undertaker has bowed out of his appearance due to a “major case of the sniffles.”
“Sorry guys,” the Phenom said in a hoarse voicemail left at WWE’s Stamford headquarters.
“Gotta sit this one out. Don’t want to get anyone else sick.”
Undertaker sensed a sore throat coming on a couple of days ago and has, in his words, “been feeling pretty blah lately.”
Wrestling fans worldwide are upset by the news that The Undertaker will not compete in a streak-defending match — an annual feature that has become the de facto main event of the sports entertainment pay-per-view extravaganza.
The Undertaker was scheduled to square off against Brock Lesnar — a former UFC champion with a phallus tattooed on his chest — in a showdown that was beautifully promoted by Heyman and not completely ruined when Lesnar opened his screechy yap.
According to the Official Charter of the WWE Rules Committee, the Undertaker’s forfeit due to illness is tantamount to a loss, meaning that his WrestleMania record will become 21-1.
“It’s a bummer,” said the so-called Phenom, “but I just can’t do it. I feel like death.”