Todd Menderchuk, a 29-year-old former Arby’s night manager from Minneapolis, is becoming increasingly vehement when insisting to his fellow wrestling fans that his status as a virgin is “just a work.”

“I was totally kayfabing you guys that time said I had never been with a girl,” Menderchuk blurted while he and his two friends (also virgins, but better liars) were watching WWE Raw this week. 

“I’m totally over with women,” he added. 

Despite his repeated insistence that he has “been with lots of ring rats over the years,” the closest Menderchuk has come to a sensual relationship with a woman was a 50-dollar photo-op with Sunny, which included a firm, chesty hug. 

Menderchuk admits he has been “jerking the curtain” for a while now, but only because he was “buried” by a former girlfriend, and is awaiting his next “big push” with the ladies. 

His Google search history, meanwhile, reveals dozens of queries for “is Bayley single?”