American President-Elect Donald Trump sparked controversy once again today by declaring that the United States will double-down on its nuclear armament with the addition of Adam Bomb to its arsenal.
“Let it be an arms race,” Trump said, introducing the goggled, spandex-clad weapon. Trump added that the United States “cannot be intimidated by the likes of Lana, Rusev, the Koloffs.
While the rest of the world is making strides toward disarmament, Trump has declared he will release Adam Bomb — under the guidance of Sgt. Slaughter — to obliterate “any aggressors against America from parts known or unknown.”
Trump’s sabre-rattling did not stop there, as vowed further expansions of America’s military might:
- Manufacturing will return to Detroit in order to mass-produce Motor City Machine Guns
- Japan will be ordered to defend itself from North Korean threat using its Jumping Bomb Angels
- Navy Seals will intensify their manhunt for Muhammad Hassan
- Zeb Coulter will be appointed Secretary General of the United Nations
Responding to the threat of Adam Bomb, Iranian troops are reportedly preparing for war by making the toes of their boots extra-curly.