Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced this morning that, upon defeating Hillary Clinton in November, he will further humiliate her by shaving her head in a WWE ring.
By adding the “haircut stipulation” to the presidential race, Trump is playing yet another card from his WWE arsenal, which also includes bullying, shouting, duplicity, bombast, a tenuous connection to reality, and orangeness.
Trump shaved the head of WWE mogul Vince McMahon nine years ago at WrestleMania 23, and Trump evidently now firmly believes that shaving the heads of his vanquished foes is his “constitutional right.”
“Hillary was born bald, and now it is time to make Hillary bald again!” Trump hollered, whipping his devoted fans into a hooting, pistol-firing frenzy.
Trump then announced that, when he wins the presidency, the job of actually running the country will be left to a more experienced stateseman, Lashley.