In his first interview since winning the American election, president-elect Donald Trump insisted he fulfill his promise to build a border wall “that will block all Mexicools trying to ride lawnmowers into this great country.”
Trump told 60 minutes that “illegal Mexicoolian immigrants” will not be able to lie, cheat, or steal their way into America when he takes the Gold House (the White House is currently being repainted to match the Trump brand).
Trump also announced stiffer immigration laws that will require all Mexicans to “remove those ridiculous lucha masks” before entering the United States.
It is becoming increasingly clear to political pundits that Trump’s entire immigration policy has been shaped by professional wrestling, just like his bombastic oratory style.
Trump also insisted he will enact stiffer laws to “prevent Muhammad Hassan and Daivari from re-entering the United States.”
He says America’s borders will be protected by Corporal Kirchner, Sgt. Slaughter, Sgt. Craig Pittman and, at the northern border, The Mountie.