Just days after appointing WWE matriarch Linda McMahon as Administrator of Small Business, President-elect Donald Jimmyjam Trump has announced that longtime TNA honcho Dixie Carter will become the Administrator of Much Smaller Business.
Whereas McMahon’s role will give her oversight over entrepreneurial activity in the United States, Carter will help fledgling Tennessee companies attempt to mimic larger, more lucrative New York-based companies.
Carter is highly experienced in this role, having helped TNA grow from a small Tennessee-based wrestling promotion into small Tennessee-based wrestling promotion that Matt Hardy works for.
According to a statement Carter issued this morning, her “stimulus package” for very small businesses includes the following innovations:
- All very small businesses will be encouraged to have six-sided offices
- Very small businesses will have access to expertise and mentorship from Vince Russo and Hulk Hogan
- Very small business owners will be given low-interest loans — if they can reach a contract dangling from ropes criss-crossed in an “X” pattern above a ring
In related news, President-elect Trump has appointed TNA wrestler Bobby Lashley to be his surrogate and actually run the country for him.