Dixie Carter, president of Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling, promised a “huge announcement” this week, and she certainly delivered on her promise with the revelation that rookie sensation “Mitchell” has been signed to the company.
Mitchell, a leafy potted ficus, became the hottest free agent in pro wrestling this week, and TNA quickly snapped him up with a lucrative contract of water, sunlight and nutrient-rich soil.
Previously known as Mitch, the plant was released from his WWE contract this week after a test for the company’s Organic Wellness Policy detected high levels of performance-enhancing fertilizer in his chlorophyll.
Although Mitchell is a rookie and still a bit green, Carter pronounced he will be a “huge hit with TNA’s enthusiastic fans,” some of whom are also believed to be plants.
Mitchell already has a championship match against Drew Galloway at soon-to-be-televised Bound for Glory, which is scheduled to be held six weeks ago.