The members of The Shield — a renegade faction of professional wrestlers known for meting out vigilante justice in WWE — have outlined their demands for change, which include an end to corporate hypocrisy and a bunch more helicopter rides.
“The status quo is no longer acceptable,” snarled Dean Ambrose, the de facto leader of the group, during a shaky handheld video released this morning.
“We will not stop until we have spread justice and throughout WWE, and until we get to ride in at least eight more helicopters.”
Roman Reigns then grabbed the camera and hollered directly into the microphone: “Eight more helly-coppers!”
The Shield arrived via helicopter at London’s 02 Arena this past Monday, where they wreaked havoc during a broadcast of Raw.
According to sources close to the faction, they have not shut up about it ever since.
One backstage source said Seth Rollins in particular was “annoyingly giddy” after the helicopter ride, and spent several hours backstage spinning in circles with arms outstretched and making a “choppa-choppa-choppa” sound with his mouth.