The United States school system is under scrutiny again after a recent study by the United Nations Council on Education concluded that US students are lagging far behind their international peers in thugonomics test scores.
The US, once a thugonomical superpower, now ranks 73rd in the world, well behind Canada, China, and Mexico, as well-as under-developed nations such as Afghanistan, Zimbabwe and Parts Unknown.
“The American education system clearly needs reform,” said US President Barack Obama during a press conference yesterday in Geneva.
“My administration will work tirelessly to ensure basic thugonomics becomes a national priority, for the benefit of the entire American thugonomy. Word life.”
The new report links America’s steady decline in thugonomical leadership to a number of complex factors, but most notably to a former Doctor of Thugonomics, John Cena, whose gradual wussification led him to be barred from thugonometry due to malpractice.
There were promising signs last year that America was climbing in academic rankings thanks to the efforts of an intellectual savior, but the trend reversed when he abandoned academia to become a professional clown.