Purple ring ropes: can cruiserweights wrestle within any other color? - Kayfabe News twitter google

Purple ring ropes: can cruiserweights wrestle within any other color?

cruiserweights purple

Cruiserweight somehow elicit their flippy-dippy powers from the color purple.

A study published today by the Harvard Institute of Sports-Entertaintology reveals that the pint-sized firecrackers of WWE’s Cruiserweight Division may be physically incapable of performing in rings with non-purple ropes.

Since the launch of the Cruiserweight Division, most fans of professional wrestling believed the purple ring ropes were merely a branding effort to distinguish cruiserweight matches from main-roster bouts — but the new study suggests otherwise.

Scientists asked 50 volunteer cruiserweights — all 205 pounds or under — to grapple in laboratory rings with ropes of varying colours.

They “botched” 30 percent more moves, on average, within red ropes. In rings with multicolored ropes — red, white, and blue — the cruiserweights all vomited violently and curled into the fetal position, moaning.

“Something about the color purple, like the hair of Samson, gives Cruiserweights their agility and athletic prowess,” said Prof. Ashwin McGovern, lead author of the study. “Our best theory is that it’s magical.”

The researchers are still investigating how the ropes turn purple so quickly between matches on live television, but their working hypothesis is that it is also magic.

 

 

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