Following multiple incidents in which superstars have plummeted off the edge of the raised stage of Monday Night Raw, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced this morning that the stage will henceforth be fully surrounded by a protective guardrail. 

The final straw, it seems, was last night’s vicious attack by Roman Reigns on Braun Strowman, in which The Big Dog speared he nemesis off the stage, sending both men plummeting dangerously to the floor below. 

“I’ve never seen anything like that in my life!” hollered commentator John Bradshaw Layfied, who, in actuality, has seen similar things happen on a near-weekly basis. 

“History is being made tonight,” added play-by-play man Michael Cole, as he does every night. 

Wrestlers have been tossed — sometimes in wheelchairs, even in dumpsters — off the stage on dozens of occasions; blessedly, most have landed on tables or plywood platforms situated at stageside with no apparent purpose. 

The new guardrail will prevent prevent future plummets from the stage, but thick, foamy crash-pads have been added to all ringside areas, just in case.