Researchers from the American Psychiatric Association announced today that, after a 30-year search, a cure has been discovered for the debilitating mental illness known as “Wrestlemania.”
Professional Wrestling Obssessive-Manic Disorder, or Wrestlemania for short, has afflicted millions of sufferers — primarily men — since its initial outbreak in 1984.
A three-decade study of the disorder concluded that Wrestlemania disrupts the logic and reasoning centers of the brain, causing sufferers to chant monosyllabic phrases, spend excessively on ugly t-shirts and forsake personal hygiene.
The newly released report, authored by Dr. Marion Shelby, concludes that Wrestlemania can be cured by gradually weaning the patient away from television on Monday nights, and limiting their access to online wrestling forums. Introducing sufferers to a member of the opposite sex has been known to help dramatically.
The cure is not fool-proof, however, as some former Wrestlemaniacs transfer their obsession to mixed martial arts (MMA), which is similar to professional wrestling, except that the “fighting” in MMA is scripted and choreographed.