Primatologists use bananas to lure Lesnar back to Raw - Kayfabe News twitter google

Primatologists use bananas to lure Lesnar back to Raw

brock lesnar raw

Brock Lesnar (left) was lured back to WWE Raw with thousands of bananas.

Fans of professional wrestling saw the return of Brock Lesnar to World Wrestling Entertainment this week, thanks to expert primatologists who lured the captive beast onto the program with the promise of bananas.

The hairless albino mountain gorilla had been absent from WWE television for months, having returned to the wildlife sanctuary where he is part of a breeding program with a female named Sable (who, it turns out, is past the age of fertility).

The scientists attempted to communicate with Brock through a simple sign language, but even basic communication with the aggressive simian proved difficult.

One of the scientists dressed up like WWE manager Paul Heyman — dark suit, large belly, skullet wig — to gain Brock’s trust.

Brock was then encouraged to follow a trail of bananas to the ring, where he snorted menacingly and thumped his fists against his chest (upon which is tattooed, for reasons unknown, a large penis).

It is widely believed that Brock will face The Undertaker at WrestleMania 30, but only if someone smears the Undertaker with peanut butter first.

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