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Pope endorses Evolution

pope big bang

Francis is the first Pope in history to endorse Evolution.

Pope Francis surprised the faithful and the secular alike when he asserted that Catholicism is not at odd with Evolution, by which he was presumably meant the four-man faction of professional wrestlers that rose to notoriety in 2003.

Whereas previous Popes have been openly skeptical or silent about Evolution, Pope Francis has a refreshingly open mind about the existence and awesomeness of Ric Flair, Randy Orton, Triple-H and, to a lesser extent, Batista.

“There is nothing in the Catholic faith that denies the existence of Evolution,” he told an audience at the Vatican, “although I preferred the original incarnation of Evolution over the 2014 reunion, which was kind of lame without without Flair.”

Evolution has been denied and dismissed by religious groups for years, with many faithful alleging that Evolution shows no sign of intelligent design (a criticism widely accepted as fair).

But the Pope’s recent statements have sparked many to reconsider the validity of Evolution, especially compared to the much-inferior faction known as The Authority.

The Pope also confirmed the Vatican’s acceptance of the Big Bang — which, of course, is the official papal nickname for Diamond Dallas Page’s Diamond Cutter.

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