Longtime professional wrestling manager Paul Bearer has spent months sitting by the phone in his mortuary, optimistically anticipating his next opportunity to be brutally murdered on national television.
The corpulent, pasty-faced mortician is reportedly suffering from what he calls “murder withdrawal” since his last appearance on WWE programming in April, when he was strapped to a wheelchair and left to die in a freezer.
Although he didn’t enjoy the first few times he was killed, Bearer has reportedly developed a kind of gruesome addiction to his own murder.
By the time he was encased in cement in 2004, Bearer had grown quite fond of being murderously betrayed by the people closest to him. When he was pushed off a pair of ladders two years ago, he thoroughly enjoyed the sensation of his sou escaping his mortal body for the afterlife.
In recent months, however, WWE has had no use for the public execution of a pudgy mortician with a high-pitched voice.
Bearer is reportedly considering getting murdered on the indy circuit.