Braden Jenkins, a sweetly naive 28-year-old wrestling fan from Knoxville, now holds the distinction of being the only person on earth who believes a decisive, uncontroversial title unification will happen at this Sunday’s WWE TLC pay-per-view.
Despite his friends’ repeated attempts to persuade him otherwise, Jenkins believes that the main event match between John Cena and Randy Orton will see an unequivocal unification of the WWE Championship and the World Heavyweight Championship.
Every other wrestling fan on earth, of course, realizes that some kind of “swerve” is almost certainly in store, since WWE is highly unlikely to waste a milestone as important as the legitimate crowning of an undisputed champion at a lower-tier pay-per-view such as TLC.
Jenkins, however, is oblivious to the warning signs of an impending “swerve,” such as The Authority’s demonstrated lack of faith in Orton, and the fact that more prominent events, such as the upcoming Royal Rumble and WrestleMania pay-per-views, would be more sensible occasions for a title unification.
“Mark my words, the definitive unfication (sic) is going to happen Sunday,” Jenkins wrote in one wrestling forum, “because Triple H said there must be a winner.”
Jenkins’ optimism is quite admirable, considering that WWE has fooled him many times in the past. He truly believes, for example, that Hornswoggle was indeed the anonymous Raw general manager all along (rather than a pointlessly tacked-on afterthought), and that his votes on WWE App polls actually count for something.