Determined to find new work after Mick Foley’s retirement, Mr. Socko landed an important role with funk-rock stalwarts Red Hot Chili Peppers.
The tattered white sweatsock will, for the duration of the band’s current tour, sheath the penis of lead singer Anthony Kiedis, thereby preventing the concerts from being stopped by police on counts of public indecency.
Mr. Socko was the “perfect candidate” for the job, according to band publicist Lisa Cardiff, because he has already spent so much time in the nether regions of a sweaty male groin.
For many years, Mr. Socko resided in the dank, suffocating confines of Mick Foley’s tights, poised to spring into action when Foley delivered the devastating mandible claw to his opponents.
Mr. Socko has been aspiring to be of service to another man’s crotch, and was reportedly delighted when the opportunity arose to encase Kiedis’ genitalia.
According to sources close to the band, Santino’s Cobra was also considered for the job, but lacked the experience and reputation of Mr. Socko.