After decades as the world’s premier promoter of professional wrestling, Vincent K. McMahon is starting to get the sneaking suspicion that a small minority of WWE matches might be rigged.
Sources close to McMahon said he “has this weird feeling” that some of the contests between WWE superstars have an air of unbelievability that makes him suspect that a small group of dishonest participants may be colluding to put on a theatrical display with a predetermined outcome.
“I know it’s crazy,” McMahon told a trusted friend, “but I can’t help but wonder if we have ever hosted a wrestling bout that wasn’t an entirely legitimate contest of grappling prowess.”
A leaked email from McMahon to WWE executives reveals his worries, including:
- “The People’s Elbow just seems so implausible. Would it even hurt?”
- “How do all of our TV shows and PPVs always end exactly on time?”
- “It seems like the commercial breaks are exactly the right length for a slowdown in the action. How is that?”
- “How does Roman Reigns keep winning?”
McMahon’s children, Shane and Stephanie, reportedly assured him that everything is fine, and then tucked him back into his favorite recliner.