Masked newcomer "Mr. Comerica" vows to lead FBI - Kayfabe News twitter google

Masked newcomer “Mr. Comerica” vows to lead FBI

trump comey

Mr. Comerica (masked, left) has promised Donald Trump (orange, right) he will restore integrity and “Investigamania” to the FBI.

Just days after US President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, a patriotic masked newcomer who calls himself Mr. Comerica arrived at the Bureau’s headquarters and vowed to take over the vacancy left by Comey. 

Several political pundits have noted some striking similarities between Comey and Mr. Comerica — facial features, mannerisms, rippling physique — leading President Trump to jump to the absurd conclusion that Mr. Comerica actually is Comey in disguise. 

“I’m telling you, that’s Comey!” Trump hollered during an interview with the world’s last remaining non-fake news outlet, Kayfabe News.

“Believe me,” Trump added, “nobody knows imposters better than me.”

Mr. Comerica has vehemently denied accusations that he is the alter-ego of Comey, declaring: “Let me tell you something, brother. I don’t even know who Comey is, dude, but whatcha gonna do when the new leader of the world’s most powerful intelligence agency runs wild on you, brother jack dude?”

Mr. Comerica then tore off his suit jacket, tie and shirt, and flexed his muscles for several minutes in the main foyer of FBI headquarters, dramatically cupping his hand over his ear to better hear the raucous cheers of field agents. 

Sources within the FBI say Mr. Comerica has vowed to prove that President Trump has been secretly colluding with Russian Ambassador General Nikolai Volkoff.

 

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