Employees enjoying the office Christmas party at World Wrestling Entertainment’s Connecticut headquarters this afternoon steered clear of Brock Lesnar, who spent a discomforting amount of time standing silently under the mistletoe.
“He just stayed there for, like, 15 minutes,” reported accounts payable clerk Cindy McGill. “It freaked us out.”
Witnesses said Lesnar, tipsy on egg nog spiked with rum and ICO PRO, was making “come hither” glances at passersby — all of whom naturally ran in the opposite direction.
“I kind of wanted to give him a kiss to appease him,” said another employee, “but I worried it was a trap for a German suplex or something.”
Lesnar said nothing aside from emitting a high-pitched, pterodactyl-like screech, then left the party and trashed the office of WWE COO Hunter Hearst Helmsley (again).
Lesnar’s mouthpiece and handler, Paul Heyman, said his client is “frustratedly trying to experience the strange, elusive emotion we humans call love.”