In the interest of efficiency, part-time WWE Superstar Brock Lesnar simultaneously suplexed the company’s entire roster at a live event yesterday, thus allowing himself a longer break until his next appearance.
Lesnar, who typically suplexes his victims in a laborious one-at-a-time fashion, stormed to the ring during a battle royal in Poughkeepsie, wrapped his mammoth arms around all 30 competitors, and hurled them all in a belly-to-back German suplex.
“Suplex City, bitches,” Lesnar hollered, before emitting his signature pterodactyl shriek.
Lesnar then hoisted the roster onto his broad shoulders and performed his trademark F5 maneuver, the concussive force of which was picked up by seismographs nearly 500 miles away.
Having thus decimated the roster, Lesnar then began another extended hiatus, during which he will eat, sleep, finish his PhD dissertation on postmodern feminist literary theory, repeat.