Professional wrestler John Cena surprised wrestling fans today by revealing his bold new strategy for his much-anticpated rematch tomorrow against rival Brock Lesnar: not getting suplexed 16 times.

“Last time I wrestled Lesnar he gave me 16 German suplexes, and that didn’t work out very well for me,” Cena said at a press conference held this morning to promote Sunday’s Night of Champions pay-per-view.

“This time around, I’m going to employ a not-getting-suplexed-a-whole-whack-of-times-in-a-row technique, which should work out much better.”

Cena continued by explaining that the 16 suplexes he endured at last month at SummerSlam “really, really hurt,” which impeded his ability to emerge victorious over Lesnar.

Lesnar’s advocate Paul Heyman, however, issued a statement this morning that his client intends to deliver “at least 17 German suplexes this time, and perhaps a couple of belly-to-back suplexes for good measure.” Heyman declined to explain the difference.

Cena insists that as long as he can avoid getting suplexed a bunch of times, he should be able to defeat Lesnar “in five moves or less.”

 

Keep it Kayfabe: Wear the Shirt!