The publishing world celebrated a milestone today when Dean Malenko — the last remaining professional wrestler on earth to not have written an autobiography — published his long-awaited memoir.
The book, titled 1000 Holds: My Peculiar Life in the Squared Circle, completes the literary canon of wrestler autobiographies, which was launched in 1999 with the publication of Mick Foley’s memoir, Have a Nice Day (and Foley’s 17 successive autobiographies).
Malenko was the last holdout of the literary genre, which has seen the publication of autobiographies by Arn Anderson, Bill DeMott, Bill Goldberg, Bobby Heenan, Bruce Hart, Bret Hart, Julie Hart, Martha Hart, Bruno Lauer, Bill Bruno Sammartino, Chyna, Corporal Kirschner, Diamond Dallas Page, Dusty Rhodes, The Dynamite Kid, Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Eric Bischoff, Fabulous Moolah, Gordon Solie, Harley Race, Hulk Hogan, Jim Ross, Chris Jericho (five autobiographies and a collection of haiku), The Missing Link, Jerry Lawler, JBL, Lanny Poffo, Jim Duggan, Lita, Missy Hyatt, Lou Thesz, Paul Ellering, Ric Flair, and approximately 290 other past and present wrestling stars.
According to one review, Malenko’s book is “average,” and “kind of like all the others.” It is expected to sell poorly and quickly wind up being used by most fans as a bong coaster.
According to wrestling industry insiders, now that the publishing avenue has been exhausted, all professional wresters are expected to follow Trish Stratus and Diamond Dallas Page by launching yoga programs.