Carl Reinhart, a longtime kendo student and veteran member of World Wrestling Entertainment’s ring crew, has finally decided that keeping his bamboo stick under the ring is “probably not the best idea.”
After witnessing his 37th consecutive kendo stick splinter over the back of wrestler Dean Ambrose during a no-disqualification match, Reinhart vowed that he would henceforth keep the ceremonial swords in the trunk of his car.
“I just can’t afford this,” said Reinhart, who mistakenly believed pro wrestlers would have enough respect for the ancient Japanese martial art of Kendo to not destroy the sticks.
In related news, WWE janitor Ted Hovius declared today that he will no longer keep his beloved trash cans under the ring.
To this day, no one has been able to satisfactorily explain why so many baking sheets were under the ring during the Attitude Era.