Although he has sadistically dominated countless opponents throughout his WWE tenure, professional wrestler Kane has finally met his match in trying to get the repugnant reek out of his mask.
“It’s useless,” Kane grumbled, throwing yet another empty bottle of Febreze in the trash. “Nothing works.”
Over the years since his WWE debut, Kane’s leather mask has absorbed a potent mix of sweat, blood and saliva, which have festered into a noxious brew that sickens anyone who gets within whiffing distance.
The so-called Big Red Monster, who was reportedly badly burned as a child when his family’s mortuary was set ablaze, said wearing the foul-smelling mask is “the most traumatic experience ever.”
Nobody is quite sure why Kane reverted to wearing the mask, since he wrestled for a number of years without it (and, puzzlingly, bore no visible scar tissue from being burned during childhood).
Kane recently sought advice from Mick Foley, whose “Mankind” mask was notoriously odorous.
Foley reportedly replied: “Wear old flannel and unwashed track pants all the time, and you’ll eventually get used to the smell.”