In a recent interview with GQ, professional wrestler Jinder Mahal explained how his remarkable transformation from doughy mid-carder to shredded WWE Champion happened thanks to discipline, dedication, and a steady diet of live puppies.
“I gave up alcohol, and started eating small meals every two hours,” Mahal explained. “A small breakfast — just a banana and a squealing chihuahua — and then a post-workout protein shake with a live daschund between gluten-free buns.”
Mahal denies allegations that he has used performance-enhancing drugs, insisting instead that his new physique is the result of exercise and “internalizing the spiritual power” of fluffy, fresh canines.
The wrestler believes the so-called Rover Diet will be the next big craze among professional wrestlers, as it is well within the rules of the WWE Wellness Policy (though it violates numerous PETA policies).
The diet was inadvertently invented nearly two decades ago by Al Snow, whose physique drastically improved after he unwittingly consumed his own beloved dog, Pepper.
Mahal says he allows himself one “cheat day” per month, on which he allows himself to consume an entire Great Dane drizzled in the delicious tears of grieving widows.