Professional wrestling legend Jake “The Snake” Roberts invoked his inner demons yesterday to place a bloodcurdling, barely audible order for delivery pizza.
In a hoarse whisper, Roberts cryptically ordered a large deluxe pizza, sending chills down the spine of the teenaged Domino’s employee who received the call.
“Riddle me this,” Roberts began.
“Can the human need for sustenance — like the python’s impulse to swallow an asphyxiated rat — supersede moral imperatives? Does the pit viper feel remorse when it injects its venom into the bloodstream? I think not.”
Confused, the Domino’s employee asked for clarification, prompting Roberts to continue:
“Just as Edgar Allen Poe sought refuge in the macabre, I seek solace in a steaming circle of melted cheese and assorted fresh toppings. No olives.”
When the Domino’s clerk asked for Roberts’ address, he replied: “The darkest recesses of your mind.” He then provided the address of a house in Stone Mountain, GA.
Roberts completed his order by requesting “dark poetic justice” and “a side of cheesy bread.”