Steve McCutcheon, a 47-year-old wrestling fan and admitted “fag-hater” from rural Kentucky, was mortified to realize last night that his beloved WWE features tanned, shaven musclemen in spandex writhing in tight embraces.
McCutcheon came to the stark realization while enjoying a match between Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan — both of whom are featured on posters adorning the unabashed homophobe’s bedroom wall.
“Wait a second,” exclaimed McCutcheon, a former night manager at a Mudlick-area Taco Bell, “this stuff is kinda queery!”
McCutcheon is well-known in his community for his staunchly anti-gay views, as he is frequently heard saying things like “Queering doesn’t make the world work” (a phrase he learned from late WWE star The Ultimate Warrior).
Acquaintances of McCutcheon’s report that he is a small-minded bigot on questions of sexuality, but that he also seems to have a fondness for Dean Ambrose that goes beyond mere fandom.
Sources close to McCutcheon report that, although he outwardly portrays himself as a “decent Christian who believes in traditional family values and stuff,” he secretly cried when the on-air wedding of Billy and Chuck was called off.