After just eight days of Donald Trump’s authoritarian reign in the White House, political scientists have reached the near-unanimous conclusion that a presidential bid by unhinged professional wrestler Bob Backlund may have actually been a better option.
“Granted, Backlund is crazier than a pet coon,” writes Prof. Robert Ponovich of Harvard University, “but he is surely a better option than the megalomaniacal current Cheeto-in-Chief.”
When Backlund first announced his intention to seek the presidency in 1995, his socially conservative platform — a national dress code requiring suspenders and bow ties, for example — struck many as untenable.
But following Trump’s string of xenophobic, exclusionist, racist and anti-scientific executive orders, along with petulant childlike tweeting, Backlund seems the downright sensible alternative by comparison.
Asked by a reporter whether he would consider running against Trump in four years, Backlund responded by putting the reporter in a cross-face chicken wing, followed by 1,000 jumping jacks.