Wrestling legend Hillbilly Jim was almost inconsolable yesterday after waking up alone.
“Aww, dang,” said Jim as he rolled out of bed and donned his denim overalls, surreptitiously wiping a tear from his eye.
Despite his burly physique and usual good cheer, Jim was sullen for the rest of the day, quietly humming a country ballad while signing autographs at a Wal-Mart grand opening in Houston.
When asked for comment on his malaise, Jim explained: “By God, I’m tough, and lord knows I’m big and strong. But nothing hurts me half as much as waking up alone.”
After a pensive pause, the hog farmer elaborated: “I am afraid of no one. I won’t back down, and I always hold my own. But yes, I am afraid of being lonesome, and scared to death of waking up alone.”
Friends of the good-natured mountain man from Mudlick, KY said Jim suffers from “separation anxiety” when he is away from his wife, a woman known only as Gertrude.
Contacted at the couple’s home in Mudlick, a teary-eyed Gertrude told reporters that she had just dreamed that Jim was “home sweet home,” and was deeply saddened when she too woke up alone.