Hillbilly Jim tragically wakes up alone - Kayfabe News twitter google

Hillbilly Jim tragically wakes up alone

Hillbilly Jim

Hillbilly Jim was uncharacteristically pensive and withdrawn after waking up alone.

Wrestling legend Hillbilly Jim was almost inconsolable yesterday after waking up alone.

“Aww, dang,” said Jim as he rolled out of bed and donned his denim overalls, surreptitiously wiping a tear from his eye.

Despite his burly physique and usual good cheer, Jim was sullen for the rest of the day, quietly humming a country ballad while signing autographs at a Wal-Mart grand opening in Houston.

When asked for comment on his malaise, Jim explained: “By God, I’m tough, and lord knows I’m big and strong. But nothing hurts me half as much as waking up alone.”

After a pensive pause, the hog farmer elaborated: “I am afraid of no one. I won’t back down, and I always hold my own. But yes, I am afraid of being lonesome, and scared to death of waking up alone.”

Friends of the good-natured mountain man from Mudlick, KY said Jim suffers from “separation anxiety” when he is away from his wife, a woman known only as Gertrude.

Contacted at the couple’s home in Mudlick, a teary-eyed Gertrude told reporters that she had just dreamed that Jim was “home sweet home,” and was deeply saddened when she too woke up alone.

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