Harvard primatologists are trying to figure out what John Cena could possibly have done to anger a hairless albino mountain gorilla that recently escaped from a Boston-area zoo.
“The gorilla seems to have a single-minded focus on Mr. Cena,” said Prof. Neil Chilton, who has been tracking the movements of the rogue simian, which responds to the name “Brock.”
“Judging by its furrowed brow, heavy panting and monosyllabic grunts, the simian appears very aggressive toward Mr. Cena, perhaps in some kind of attempt to become alpha male.”
Prof. Chilton added that the gorilla is not likely a public threat, since it seems to be focused solely on Cena, but warned that people should still not approach the beast if they see it in public.
Apart from its bare white skin, the gorilla has several distinguishing marks, including a large birthmark on its chest that resembles a dagger or phallus.