A government mule has filed a “cease and desist” order against WWE, citing a long history of defamatory remarks made by commentator Jim Ross.
“Not all us government mules get whipped,” brayed the mule during a press conference yesterday. “Jim Ross constantly remarks that so-and-so is ‘getting whipped like a government mule,’ which is an egregious and offensive generalization.”
The mule, who spends his days pulling a supply cart at a government-run mining operation in rural Argentina, insists he is treated fairly and gently, and has never been whipped.
“Just because I work for the government doesn’t automatically mean I’m getting whipped all the time,” the mule said while absentmindedly swatting flies with his tail.
“Governments around the world have made great strides in adopting humane treatment of us mules, despite what a certain wrestling commentator would have you believe.”
The mule’s campaign against WWE was bolstered yesterday when he received a petition of support signed by more than 500 scalded dogs.