An oversized cardboard cutout bearing the likeness of independent wrestling star and podcaster Colt Cabana has, after repeated appearances at WWE live events, finally been signed to a “developmental” deal with the company.
The recruitment of the cardboard head is an unprecedented and risky move for WWE, given that the head is essentially a two-dimensional inanimate object, weighs less then one pound, and has no torso or limbs.
“We think the head has a lot a potential,” said John Laurinaitis, head of Talent Relations for the company. “I can already envision it in a long-term feud with the cardboard cutout of Randy Orton that replaced the real Orton a couple of years ago.”
The hiring of the cardboard head is ironic, given that the real wrestler whose visage it bears, Colt Cabana, spent only a brief moment on the WWE roster, his impressive talent squandered by shoddy booking and a hokey, borderline-offensive gimmick.
The head, however, has appeared in the audience at WWE live events across the country in recent years, seemingly desperate to get noticed, and is reportedly overjoyed to be signed.
According to one backstage source, the head will soon debut on NXT, repackaged as a rabbi character named Schlomo Rosenbaum.