Iconic filmmaker George Lucas shocked science fiction fans worldwide yesterday when he announced that the lineage of Jedi knight Luke Skywalker actually traces back to professional wrestler Vader — not, as previously believed, Darth Vader.
“I’m as surprised as anyone,” Lucas confessed during a press conference in Hollywood.
“I was looking through some old scripts from the ’70s, and it turns out Luke’s father is actually Leon “Vader” White. I don’t know where I got the idea for Darth Vader. My bad.”
The confusion possibly arose, Lucas said, because the wrestler (Big Van) Vader was known to enter the ring wearing a black, steam-spewing mask — not entirely unlike the one worn by Darth Vader.
Lucas said he has already begun re-making the original Star Wars trilogy in order to digitally insert “the correct Vader” into all scenes in which Darth Vader previously appeared.
The voice-overs performed by James Earl Jones will remain largely intact, but with some minor modifications. Instead of the line “I’ve been waiting for you, Obi-Wan — we meet again, at last,” for instance, Vader will instead say “It’s time, it’s time, it’s Vader time.”
The heavy breathing will remain, because Vader has some respiratory problems.