After years in captivity wrapped around the slender waists of female professional wrestlers, the WWE Divas Championship belt has been released back into the wild and has begun its arduous migration to South America.
The belt was given a emotional sendoff from the roof of World Wrestling Entertainment’s Connecticut headquarters, where company Chairman Vince McMahon tearfully sputtered: “Go, be free, back where you belong among your kind.”
The belt flapped its leathery wings and, although weak from years of flightlessness, caught a gust of southbound wind and joined a kaleidoscope of monarchs en route to the Brazilian rainforest.
Sobbing WWE Divas — pardon us, Superstars — waved farewell as the belt became just a glittery speck in the distance before disappearing forever.
The belt was retired in recent weeks because the term “Divas” no longer accurately conveys the notion of beautiful, athletic women in skimpy outfits pretending to fight.