Every single member of World Wrestling Entertainment’s fanbase, each with glistening eyes and crumpled tissues in hand, insisted today that they were just chopping onions.
“I’m totally not crying,” they said, practically in unison, when questioned by friends and family about the rivulets of tears streaming down their cheeks.
The so-called WWE Universe vehemently denied that the tears had anything to do with their emotional state, nor with any newly released WWE video they might have watched online.
Many wrestling fans insisted they also had allergies to explain the widespread sniffling (though this failed to explain the outright sobbing exhibited by some).
There is speculation, however, that the fans are collectively refusing to admit that they were overcome with emotion after watching a beautiful tribute to the late Connor “The Crusher” Michalek, a tiny boy with a giant heart whose indomitable spirit in the face of adversity won over the hearts of wrestlers and fans alike.
“I got some dust or something in my eye,” sniffed one fan. “These tears have nothing to do with that sweet, innocent, heroic little… oh God…. excuse me….[uncontrollable sobbing].”
Many wrestling fans consider themselves jaded and hard-nosed, incapable of being brought to tears by anything produced by WWE. If you count yourself among them, you might want to have some onions nearby as scapegoats before you watch this video.
Rest in peace, Connor, and thanks for reminding us all that wrestling can be a beautiful thing.