In keeping with the ever-accelerating sequence of pay-per-view events, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has announced that tonight’s Elimination Chamber event will be immediately followed by SummerSlam, starting at 11 pm EDT.
“History will be made tonight,” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon for the 83,459th time in his life. “Tonight WWE launches the era of back-to-back pay-per-views!”
Though the news was met with great excitement from wrestling fans who don’t have jobs or social obligations, others have raised concerns that WWE’s already-robust pay-per-view schedule will become unwatchably oversaturated.
Tonight’s Elimination Chamber event, for example, comes on the heels of Payback, which only concluded approximately 180 minutes ago.
According to sources within WWE, tonight’s back-to-back events are the launch of a new programming schedule dubbed “WWE Around the Clock,” which will, by 2016, mean a live pay-per-view event is occurring every moment of every day.
It is unclear how WWE Superstars and Divas will survive the rigors of a non-stop performance schedule. One backstage source said the WWE Performance Center was created to provide an endless source of new meat whenever a member of the main roster expires from exhaustion.
According to leaked documents, WWE will soon announce a pay-per-view to start next Sunday, called The Great American Blood Bash Unforgiven Judgement Vengeance Backlash RumbleMania.