World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) hosts its annual Elimination Chamber pay-per-view this Sunday, so we farted out a meaningless clickbait “listicle” about it because that’s what internet wrestling “journalism” has been reduced to these days.

We couldn’t be bothered to actually look at the card for Sunday’s filler event, since Royal Rumble only wrapped up, like, 40 minutes ago, and the only show that really matters is WrestleMania.

So here is our hastily assembled, poorly conceived list of five matches that are definitely not going to happen at Elimination Chamber.

You’re welcome.

5. Well Dunn vs. The Beverley Brothers

You think they’re going to waste this epic showdown on Elimination Chamber? This one is definitely WrestleMania material.

4. The Yeti vs. The Undertaker

The Undertaker wouldn’t stand a chance.

 

 

 

3. Muhammad Hassan vs. Anyone

Deported.

 

 

 

2. Apollo Crews and Kalisto vs. Dolph Ziggler

It is on the card, but it’ll get cancelled just in case it accidentally results in Ziggler getting a push.

 

 

 

1. CM Punk vs. Triple H

This match happened at a WWE house show in Toronto last night, and most fans who saw it said it was a real stinker.