The medical community is unanimously puzzled by what has been called an almost-miraculous healing of Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s left arm, which was broken during a vicious attack by Brock Lesnar several months ago.
Helmsley is scheduled to do battle against Lesnar during tonight’s SummerSlam event, even though his shattered arm should still be healing in a cast, according to conventional medical science.
“An injury like that should require a cast for at least six months,” says WWE medic Dr. Bob Ponovich, who admits he is “completely dumbfounded” by Helmsley’s speedy recovery.
“I’ve seen such injuries take years to heal. Cowboy Bob Orton needed a cast for much longer, and his injury was much less severe.”
Amazingly, Helmsley seemed entirely unscathed by the injury just days after Lesnar’s attack, appearing in the corner of boxing star Floyd Mayweather. Without even a grimace on his face, Helmsley held both arms aloft on several occasions, leaving many puzzled about his superhuman healing powers.
Helmsley declined to comment on the matter, instead delivering a long-winded and ultimately pointless diatribe in which he repeated the words “this business” 83 times.