Mentally unstable professional wrestler Dean Ambrose, in an attempt to attack nemesis Seth Rollins with a surprise dousing inspired by the trendy ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, has inadvertently cured amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Following this past Monday night’s episode of WWE Raw, all ALS sufferers worldwide experienced a sudden and drastic remission of the crippling neurodegenerative disorder.
Thousands of well-meaning people worldwide have participated in the fun-but-presumably-useless slacktivism stunt in recent weeks, but only after Ambrose sneak-attacked Rollins with a pail of frigid water Monday did ALS patients feel any relief.
Ambrose was vaguely aware that his dousing of Rollins was “for charity,” but had no idea that his actions would have such positive, widespread result, especially since the stunt preceded a fierce backstage fistfight.
“I fight for justice, and I suppose ALS is a pretty nasty injustice, so there you go,” Ambrose later said.
Renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking, who has been living with ALS for decades, finally managed to speak without his voice synthesizer: “Thanks Ambrose,” he said with posh British accent, “but I’m still upset that The Shield broke up in the first place.”